- *** Looking at a picture on Instagram of one of those milkshakes with doughnuts, flakes, brownies etc in ***
- 'Oh my god, why don't we know any people, shops, fucking hell, cafes, that do these?'
- 'I've got a pain in the chest of my boob.'
- Me - 'I'm going to watch YouTube. No, Whatsapp.'
Bf - 'Snapchat?'
Me - 'That.'
- Me - 'We haven't watched Better Call Wall. No, Paul. Oh for fucks sake.'
Bf - 'Saul.'
- 'Can you put the fan on?' - I meant the lamp.
- 'I need my f-f-f-f oh fucking hell, the fucking medicine that I drink.'
- 'Do you need to cook the scosage and scramble regg?' - Sausage and scrambled egg.
- Me - 'My back is such a sis-tas-ter. No, dis-stas-ter.'
Bf - 'Disaster.'
Me - *glares at him*
- Me - 'I hope we can fit a desk in the bedroom, it'll make my heart happy. I love washi tape.'
Bf - 'In completely unrelated news.'
- Me - 'How does he speak every accent? No, religion?'
Bf - 'Language.'
- Me - 'I need some lethal, lethal, lethal, least ampy-hip-sam-meems.'
Bf - 'Ampy-hip-sam-meems?'
Me - 'I said 'lethal' so many times because I don't know the word.
Bf - 'Antihistamine?'
Me - 'Them.'
- Bf - 'What did you watch last night?'
Me - 'About twenty minutes of Half Upon a Time.' - Once Upon a Time.
- Bf - 'I'm still hungry.'
Me - 'What do we have?'
Bf - 'Bread and cheese.'
Me - 'Have bread on cheese then.'
- Me - 'I'm quite upset that it costs for tushing the floylet.' - Flushing the toilet.
- *** Went to put my phone in my bra. Wasn't wearing a bra. Phone fell through my top and onto the floor ***
- Bf - 'You're never coherent this time of night.'
Me - 'I am cod-herent.'
- Me - 'If you want a face, I'll face you with a plant.' - I meant, 'if you want a fight, I'll punch you in the face.
- Bf - 'How long does it need charging?'
Me - 'Read the words.'
Bf - 'You mean the instructions?'
- Me - 'What I go say. What I go say. What I go say. What I say go.'
Bf - 'S.'
- Me - 'It's so they don't get f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f'
Bf - 'Food on their clothes.'
Me - 'That'.
- 'I'm going to face my wash.' - Wash my face.
- 'I don't like splashios. Wow, I'm putting that in my brain flog.' - *Pistachios *fog
- 'Will you blind the close?' - Close the curtains.
- 'I've seen Neil live.' - Ne-Yo.
- 'You're such a dwack.' - I don't even know what I was trying to say.
- 'There's too much vamineger.' - *Vinegar.
So, there you go guys, my brain is a joke - quite literally. Let me know your favourites in the comments. I think Ne-Yo will forever be 'Neil' to Ian and I now. Oops.