Saturday, 11 June 2016

Buh Bye Negativity: Cutting out Toxic People


How many times do you give a person, 'one more chance'? Why do you keep forgiving them when they let you down? Why are they part of your life if all they do is cause hassle, stress, emotional turmoil?


After almost 30 years, I've finally learned that it's okay to cut off toxic people. It's not always easy but when someone is only causing you drama, it's so unhealthy and you need to distance yourself. I realised that I was distancing myself so much that I was completely eradicating them from my life because I wasn't missing their presence. Seriously though, who'd miss aggravation? 

When you have a friend or family member that isn't giving you what you want from your relationship there's not much point sticking around, especially if they've had multiple chances to make something of your so-called connection. People always say that it's easier to exclude friends than family, because 'blood is thicker than water' and all that shite, but I completely beg to differ. I consider my closest friends my family, my best friend has been there for fifteen years and I have a better relationship with him than almost every member of my family. I've never let him down and he's always there for me. 

I'm not saying that I dispose of a person as soon as they do me wrong, but if there's several fuck-ups or numerous times they make me feel bad, I'm just done. I've got so much more to worry about than people who don't care about me or my feelings. I always go with my gut when I'm ill-treated; if something is bothering me to a point that it plays on my mind and affects my well-being, no matter what anyone says, no matter how much reasoning they try, if I don't feel like I want to be associated with that person, I won't. I don't owe anyone anything. Relationships work two ways and if I'm the one who is continuously making an effort, always getting in touch and trying to keep the friendship alive, it gets really frustrating. You begin to think that you're not worth their time; and then when you are with them, they treat you like crap or are uninterested. What's the point in that?

I'm pretty sure most people have a sore-spot, (whether it be their appearance, sexuality, ethnicity, whatever) and if someone criticises the thing that really touches a nerve and devastates them, there's no coming back from that. A massive no-go for me is if I'm attacked because of my disability, you might as well not walk this earth because you no longer exist in my eyes. There is absolutely nothing lower, more vile, fucking disgusting, than condemning me over something I have no control over. If you think I'm faking, lying, exaggerating the amount of pain I'm in, I want absolutely nothing to do with you. This kind of toxicity is unnecessary, ignorant and downright fucked up. And it is so easy for me to never ever speak you again. 

I wouldn't say I'm a sensitive person but if my disability comes into question it's a whole different ballgame. I don't take it lightly, I won't forgive, and I think I'm more than justified. If someone can say something that venomous and shatter you to the core, they're not worth being part of your life.

So I completely cut them off; I delete and block them on all forms of social media and remove them from my phone so I don't have any contact with them whatsoever. If we have mutual friends, I don't talk about the person I've cut off, and if my friend does, (even if it's just to say what they've been up to) I swerve the conversation as I'm simply not interested.

We all deserve to be surrounded by people that love us and care for us, so get rid of poisonous people - what the fuck is the point in being unhappy?

Buh bye now.

24 comments:

  1. Exactly my thoughts too Sarah, you don't need those kind of people on your life and you most certainly shouldn't have to put up with that! I'm proud of you for writing this and being able to cut those out who upset and hurt you. Time for a new start with your gorgeous new name, you're awesome and I'm so grateful to call you my friend love you lots xxx

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  2. This is honestly such a powerful, inspiring post. I love how honest and open you are, because you're absolutely, completely right too!! You're bloody awesome Sarah. Sending all my love to you beautiful :) xx

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  3. People attack your disability because there is nothing else to come for. You are intelligent, witty, a great aunt, and your have a lovely home and strong relationship. Jealousy is a bitter pill to swallow and they just spit it right back at you... much better off without them, well done for cutting them out!

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    1. Aww Lydia, you're so sweet, thank you x

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  4. Absolutely agree!!! I've had family members that are so toxic I developed anxiety. No words can explain the freeness I feel now I've cut them off and how happy I can be now!! Also thats terrible that you've ever experienced friends that have attacked you over your disability!! Who would do that!? I'm glad you're taking control and saying goodbye to negativity!

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    1. I know right? Thank you, lovely, hope you're okay x

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  5. This resonates deeply with me. I am in the process of doing just this with a friend who has not been able to be 100% supportive of my disability/illness and MAN its hard. I think its frustrating for me because I ALWAYS find a way to blame it on myself which muddies the waters when really I have done nothing really wrong. This post came at a perfect time lady! Thank you <3

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    1. I'm so glad it helped, sending all the hugs x

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  6. I couldn't agree with this anymore, it's so honest and real! I have a few chronic conditions that have left me disabled and I'm pretty touchy about the subject when people aren't nice about it, so I completely understand what you're talking about. You have enough going on in your life so you don't need to be worrying about toxic people bringing you down! Such a great post. Kerrie xxx

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  7. Such a lovely honest post!! I think everyone needs to read this!! <3 Thank you for writing this!

    Amelia | http://amelia-g.blogspot.com.au/

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  8. I love this post! Happy Sunday!xx

    Vildana from Living Like V & Stalia Is BAE

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  9. Spot on. I'm over giving people chance after chance. I don't need more stress in my life from difficult people.

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  10. Absolutely love this! I recently read your post about changing your name and I am completely sympathetic.

    I've had lots of friends in the past who have wronged me time and again and it's go to the point now where I am 25 years old and I do not need people like that in my life anymore. I'm fed up of only being good enough for certain people when they need a bitch and a moan! X

    thechinadolldiaries.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thank you so much. I don't blame you, some people just use us and we don't need it x

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  11. It pains me to have to cut off the only sibling I have left, but she's so vindictive and overcome by her borderline personality disorder that I really don't have a choice. She attacks me and everyone in her life, often without provocation. I know she can't help it; it's a mental disorder. But what else can I do? She refuses to see that she needs help, and I'm tired of the lifelong battles.

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    1. Ah that's awful, I'm so sorry you're dealing with that x

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  12. Well said. You say 'I don't owe anyone anything' and you're completely right! It's taken me a long time to realise this! I have always been someone who to avoid confrontation just allowed people to basically walk all over me and I never said anything. I bottled up all the hurt they caused me and sometimes made myself believe that I deserved it :( I'd spend hours overthinking and convince myself that I'd done something wrong. Eventually, I just had enough. As I got older and developed my health conditions, everything became so difficult and it was wearing me down, making me too mentally and physically exhausted to deal with people treating me like that and I was trying so hard to still hang out with them, and for what? So I could feel crap at the end of the day. It was really difficult for me but I decided that if I tell people how they are making me feel continously and they don't seem to take it in and never try to change things, then I'm not enduring it anymore x

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    1. You sound exactly like me, I let it play over and over, then end up so upset and it's totally not worth it. All the hugs x

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